


Fragile Hearts, Fragile Minds

by Splivy



Series: Dawn of Gold [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki is a mess, M/M, Nightmares, Steve is still trying, infinity war fix it, they have noodles and it’s cute, wholesome steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 03:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splivy/pseuds/Splivy
Summary: Loki finally wakes up and has a voice.Steve is still struggling with the situation, but maybe it’ll all work out.





	Fragile Hearts, Fragile Minds

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been a while for this series. Here is part two. I will hopefully post next chapter of BBM tomorrow or the day after. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this one! It was fun to write. :)

Steve continued to watch after Loki for about three more silent days. Loki slept through all of it, stirring only a couple of times. Steve wasn’t sure what he was expecting to do next, so he didn’t… do anything. 

Currently, he was sitting in the chair next to the bed Loki was occupying, his thoughts moving back and forth at what felt like a million miles an hour. He should call someone, probably Thor, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. What, he was just supposed to dial a grieving Thor and casually say, “yeah, Loki is here, by the way, thought ya might wanna know.”

How he would even start that conversation, Steve didn’t know. If anything, he felt like he should wait for Loki to be able to hold his own head up, at least, before contacting anyone. 

Steve noticed Loki was looking a little better. The bruises on his neck were turning to a yellowish hue, showing signs of healing. Steve could hear it sometimes, the bones seeming to click back into their original places. His skin was still pale, but it didn’t look so deathly concerning as it was when he first got here. The god still looked exhausted, however, despite the fact that he’d been sleeping the entire time. 

He couldn’t help but remember, though, Loki’s crazed rampage through New York, the people that died due to his attack, the lives lost. He thought of Clint, and wondered how he would have reacted if the situation were different; if it was Clint who stumbled upon an injured and vulnerable Loki. 

No one had heard from him since the snap, and Steve could imagine why. 

Steve almost wondered if he should call someone else of higher authority, like the government, or… someone? SHIELD was no longer am option. He didn’t know, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be that cruel. He could see it now, a frightened, delirious Loki being dragged away by men in black uniforms, his confused eyes looking back at Steve in betrayal. 

No… he couldn’t do it. 

Loki didn’t deserve that, at least. When the god was healed, he should call. But he probably wouldn’t. Steve couldn’t consider himself off the hook exactly, from being a fugitive himself. 

When Loki woke, he would have to ask what he remembered about his coming here. 

Steve sighed, leaning back in his chair, at a loss. 

…

Steve was boiling water for his noodles in the kitchen when he heard it. Choked, panicked sounds coming from the second bedroom, ragged breaths and small whimpers. He left the bubbling water and practically sprinted across the living room to where Loki was. When he got through the doorway, his heart jumped to his throat. 

Loki’s eyes were squeezed tightly closed, and he was trembling, those same sounds Steve heard from the kitchen seeming somehow so much louder in here. He noticed Loki’s hands clawing at his throat, as if trying to pry someone else’s hands off. 

He was by the god’s side before he even realized it, his hands grabbing Loki’s, trying to pull them away from his injured throat. “Loki,” he tried gently, but Loki didn’t seem to hear him. 

A cry escaped Loki’s lips, and Steve hated it. Hated how it made him feel, because he should hate this man laying here in his guest bedroom but he can’t, he just can’t find it in him.

He managed to get Loki’s hands away from his neck. He crossed them, holding them against Loki’s chest, giving him a slight shake. “Loki, wake up, come on.”

Loki was strong, Steve noticed, and he was sure Loki could have thrown him across the room by now if he wasn’t so incapacitated. He shook his harder, raising his voice. “Loki!”

And the god’s still blood shot eyes snapped open, and the pure animal fear had Steve’s heart coiled tight in his chest. “Loki, breathe, it’s okay.”

Loki’s eyes met his, and to Steve’s surprise, he saw Loki struggling for awareness and breath, and wondered if he should praise him. “It’s okay. Breathe, in and out. Take in a deep breath and try to hold it.”

Loki did just that, and it lasted half a second before he exhaled it with a sharp sound. He tried again, and again, gaining ease as he did it over and over, one breath after the other before he was gasping more easily and evenly. 

“That’s good, Loki. Keep doing that.”

After a few more, Loki was breathing in a calm rhythm, his eyes closed. Steve released a breath of his own he wasn’t aware he was holding. He let go of Loki’s arms, and fell back into the chair behind him, relief washing over him. 

Steve looked at the tense god, who hadn’t moved. “Loki,” he started. “Are you alright?”

Loki tipped his head in a curt nod. 

“Good,” Steve said, a little stupidly. He didn’t like how still Loki was in the bed, and he leaned forward again, scooting to the edge of his seat. “Hey,” he said gently.

Finally, Loki’s eyes opened, blinking slowly. “Yes,” he croaked out. 

Steve’s eyes widened a little. “You can talk.”

“Yes,” Loki replied again, and it was rough in his throat, like gravel. 

Steve swallowed, his nerves suddenly on high. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Loki didn’t reply to that, and Steve wondered if it was because Loki himself was unsure of the answer to that question. He thought maybe Loki would reply, though, but he heard the boiling water from the kitchen make a tttss. 

“Shit,” he exhaled, and ran to the kitchen to turn the boiler off, a mess of water surrounding the pot and stove, dripping onto the floor. “Nice, Steve,” he said to himself. “Only you could manage to burn water…”

He sighed frustratingly, deciding he would clean it later. He emptied the pot before heading back to the guest room. Loki hadn’t moved, though he seemed more relaxed, less tense against the sheets. 

“I am sorry,” he heard Loki whisper. “I-“ his voice broke off, and Loki coughed to clear his throat, but winced like it hurt. He opened his mouth to try again. 

“It’s okay,” Steve beat him to it. “Don’t over do it.”

Loki just nodded, staring up at the ceiling. 

Steve inhaled a long, slow breath, letting it go equally slow. “So,” he drawled. He swallowed, unsure what to say. “Um, how are you feeling?”

An expression Steve couldn’t see fast enough flickered in Loki’s gaze. “Better, I suppose…”

Steve nodded. “That’s good. How is your throat?”

Loki blinked, seemingly confused. “Water,” he asked.

“Right,” Steve exhaled, quickly moving to the kitchen to pour Loki a glass of cold water. He didn’t even know if was safe for Loki to drink water, or if he should just be eating ice chips or something. Steve brought him the water anyways. 

Loki fell back with a sharp inhale when he tried to sit up. Steve winced. “Here,” he offered, gently lifting Loki’s head and putting the glass to Loki’s lips. He drank greedily, practically sucking the water form the cup like a vacuum. He pulled it away, and Loki made a small sound of protest. “Not too much,” he said. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

Loki seemed to accept that, falling back against the pillows. He had a look in his eyes that Steve didn’t like. It was a detached look, like perhaps Loki knew he was here but… wasn’t. 

Steve swallowed past the rock lodged in his throat, licking his lips. “I know you’re probably… confused. Do you remember where you are?”

Steve saw Loki think, as if trying to remember something. “You said… I know I am on Earth,” he replied roughly. “But, no, I-I don’t remember-“ he broke off.

“New York,” he answered. “A region called Long Island, but were as isolated as I could get,” he chuckled softly, but it sounded weak. 

Loki nodded, his dazed eyes still up at the ceiling. “I suppose I have you to thank f-for… for aiding in my healing process?”

Steve shrugged. “I do what I can,” he said. 

“Well,” Loki announced. “Either way, thank you.”

Steve blinked, feeling stupid. Because the same man who was throwing punches at him in Germany, and fought in New York, and killed Coulson, just thanked him. “You’re welcome,” he said, but it sounded like a question.

Loki seemed to consider something for a moment, then licked his lips. “You have questions,” he commented. 

“I know you’re probably tired,” he started. “You don’t have to say anything just now.”

Something twitched in Loki’s expression, but again, Steve couldn’t get a grab at it. “Just ask,” he said. “I can manage.”

The captain swallowed again, rubbing his hands together in his lap in a nervous gesture. “What do you remember?”

He saw Loki blink, and then one more time before he opened his mouth. “Not much,” he bit his bottom lip. “I remember… dying, and then I was falling, and then I hit earth.” He paused, clearing his throat. “If you’re asking how I am alive, I can not answer.”

“You don’t know how?”

“Unfortunately,” Loki answered, and his voice seemed dull. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve blurted, and Loki frowned. 

“What?”

“I mean,” he stuttered. “That must not sit well with you.”

Finally, Loki turned his gaze from the ceiling to Steve, moving his head with it, though it was stiff. “No, it does not.”

Steve looked at him, really looked at him, and finally saw the expression in Loki he couldn’t figure out before. Fear… nervousness and fear and uncertainty. It made something twinge in Steve’s chest that he didn’t like. 

“You said Thor was alive,” Loki asked.

“Yes,” Steve nodded. “He’s okay.”

“Then I am not completely useless, at that.”

“What?”

Loki twitched. “Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. His gaze turned back to the ceiling. “You may disagree, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t inform Thor of my return.”

Steve reared back, as if he’d been slapped. “Why?”

Loki clenched his jaw, closing his eyes. “Just… don’t.”

“Loki-“

“Please…”

And that, Steve thought, should be enough to make Steve just melt right here right now, in this chair. It was quiet, but it was a desperate plea that made Steve’s chest coil tight. It was misplaced, like it shouldn’t be coming from Loki’s lips, but it was, and he didn’t recognize him. This wasn’t Loki. There was no way.

But it was, and he was sure Loki wasn’t one to beg or plea easily or without good reason, and so he couldn’t help but nod and say, “okay, I won’t tell him.” 

Loki swallowed. “Thank you,” he said again, and it sounded just as strange this time as it was before. “I realize you have no reason to abide by my request. But I am… grateful.”

Steve bit his lip, sighing. “It’s okay,” he said. “I think you should tell him, though.”

Loki inhaled a sharp breath. “I will, just… not yet.”

“You will?”

“Of course I will,” Loki replied, looking back at Steve. “I realize it would be cruel to do anything else. I think,” he paused, considering something for a second. “I think Thor has watched me die enough.”

Steve couldn’t help but agree with that. 

Silence ensued for a few moments, and he saw Loki’s much too controlled breathing in the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. “Loki?”

An awful expression covered Loki’s features then, and he closed his eyes, as if despairing. “Tell me he didn’t win…”

Steve felt his heart drop to the floor, and felt it splatter against the hardwood, blood spraying. His breath stuttered in his chest, and he looked down, failure gnawing at his bones. Bucky’s face flashed in his mind, and he flinched. 

He saw from past his eyelashes Loki turn to look at him, that awful expression only looking worse, twisting his features in a great sadness that Steve didn’t know Loki could feel, which was unfair, he knew.

“I am sorry,” Steve apologized, and that was bizarre to him. That he was apologizing to Loki. 

Loki’s inhale trembled, and it was equally uneven in his exhale. “No…” he whispered, but it sounded far away. 

“He did it,” Steve started again, voice breaking in his throat. “He won.”

Loki looked away, and Steve raised his head to look at him, and saw something in Loki’s eyes akin to guilt. He wasn’t sure, but it was sure what it looked like. Steve knew, he’d seen that look in Bucky, and Natasha.

And in his own reflection whenever he looked in the mirror.

Steve cleared his throat, deciding maybe to change the subject. “Do you want to try to sit up,” he offered. Loki hadn’t moved though, still facing away with that look on his features that just felt wrong, and this whole situation felt wrong. “Loki?”

He saw the god shake his head as if clear to his thoughts, his eyes closed. His tongue slid across his bottom lip. He sighed before opening his eyes again, and Steve saw that they were still too red. “Yes, please.”

Steve stood up, standing next to the bed. He leaned down, and helped Loki sit up a little more upright, fluffing the pillows until Loki nodded at his comfort, though Steve thought he could see a little embarrassment and shame in Loki’s gaze, and he couldn’t blame him. He pictured Loki being a very independent person, wanting to be in control. For him to lose that, it had to be hard for him.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, and Loki twitched. He leaned back into his chair, which was starting to become very uncomfortable. “Do you want something to eat?”

Loki grimaced, shaking his head. “No…”

Steve bit his lip again, hesitating, but said, “are you sure? You’ve been sleeping for three days, you’re bound to be hungry.”

Loki blinked, frowning. He considered it, and to Steve’s victory, he nodded. “Alright,” he said politely. 

“I was making noodles before you woke up,” he explained. “I mean, I did well at making a mess, but I can always start again. Does that sound okay?”

Loki nodded, looking down at his lap. 

Steve stood up again. “I’ll be right back,” he said, and left the room to the kitchen. 

But not without feeling like he was somehow abandoning Loki as he left. 

…

He was able to clean the original mess he made while he reboiled some water before pouring the hard noodles in, waiting patiently while they cooked. 

He leaned against the counter, rubbing a hand down his face, releasing a breath. It still seemed incredulous. That Loki was sitting there, in his guest bedroom, healing from literally dying, and being… kind. He remembered a crazed man, claiming to be a god and a king, demanding people to kneel. 

That man was not the man he saw today. He saw someone who looked to have suffered too much too fast, loss and pain clear in his eyes at all times, no matter how he tried to hide it. He saw someone… not broken but bent. 

He thought about Loki’s request not to tell Thor and wondered if he should anyways, but if he wanted Loki to trust him, and in some weird way he did, then he would need to show he could be trusted. He let the thought go, needing to believe Loki would tell his brother like he claimed he would.

When he heard the water’s bubbling get louder, he added butter and powder to the noodles, which were finally softening, and began stirring it. His actions felt slow, like he was dazed, like he was somehow detaching from his body. 

He came to this beach house to get away. 

Clearly, the universe had something else in mind. 

…

Loki was still in the same position when Steve walked in with two steaming bowls of noodles, and Loki took it gingerly, inhaling the steam. Steve sat back down in his chair, handing Loki a fork. 

“It’s nothing too great,” Steve said, a tight smile on his face. “But it’s good.”

Loki nodded, breathing in the steam again. “It will do, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Steve said this time, sounding less unsure. 

Steve started first, twisting his fork so the blonde noodles wrapped around the prongs, and he took a bite. Loki mimicked his movements, and took a smaller bite, but chewed and swallowed it nonetheless. His eyebrows raised slightly, and Steve smiled a half smile. 

They ate in silence, and it was almost nice. The gentle calm between the two in comparison to the seemingly chaotic energy that had been the past couple days. For Steve, the past couple months. For Loki… he didn’t want to know, but he seemed more relaxed now than before and since he got here.

Loki didn’t finish the soup, but Steve wasn’t upset about it. He could see why swallowing food down a recently crushed throat would be difficult. 

Easy on the morbid thoughts there, Steve inwardly said to himself. 

He took their soup back to the kitchen, pouring them out and cleaning the bowls before heading back to the bedroom, where Loki seemed to slump against the bed. 

“Why don’t you rest some more?” Loki flinched, not seeming to like the idea. Steve sighed, looking down at him. “If you’re having trouble sleeping, I have some medicine for it. It’s called melatonin.”

Loki shook his head. “No,” he said. “It is worse when I can not wake.”

“Oh,” Steve frowned. “Well, you know that I would wake you,” he murmured, a little awkwardly. “I wouldn’t leave you to… that.”

He saw Loki swallow with difficulty, and Steve felt for him. But in the end, Loki nodded. 

Steve thought about helping Loki lay back down in a flatter position, but Loki seemed to nuzzle into the covers to his own comfort and decided against it. Steve got to the doorway, turning back. “You’re safe here, Loki.” He felt like it was important in that exact moment to say those words. 

He didn’t expect a reply, but was still uncertain when he didn’t get one. Finally, though, he left Loki alone, and went outside to watch the waves for a while.

It was fine.

They would figure it out.


End file.
